My friend Gillian asked me what has surprised me about being a parent. Funny that she has asked this question, as I was just thinking about this yesterday while walking to our midwife appointment.
I am amazed at the capacity of happiness and love I have. I am amazed at how terribly terribly frustrating things can get in the middle of the night. I am amazed at how much it hurts when Kale is crying and we haven’t yet figured out what makes him so upset. I am amazed at how many conversations I have had about poop and about diapers. I am amazed that I have actually thought about the type of man he will grow up to be, and of how women will swoon for his eyelashes. I am surprised how much I can stare at Kale and still find new crevasses and lines and folds in his skin that weren’t there yesterday. I am surprised at how easy it is to come up with nicknames and feel the need to hug and kiss my son. I am surprised at how pleased I feel to say “my son”.
In all fairness, I am also surprised at how isolating being a mom is – being at home all day by myself is HARD, there is no denying that. I am surprised at how comforting having the TV on all day is, and I am shocked at how frequently I feel the urge to check my email because AN ADULT might actually want to communicate with me.
Overall, however, I am amazed at how easy it is to find joy in this.