So I was watching What Not to Wear the other day, because I swear to god the few times I have a couple minutes to myself and I am tired of typing away at the keyboard and flick on the TV and scan through the channel channel the only thing on is that friggin’ show. Clinton told some fashionally challenged lady from Chicago, that pants with areas that are purposely worn in on certain areas only draw attention to those areas, and so people with big thighs, for example, should not wear that style of pants. So. Then I remembered I own a pair of capris with wearing on the thighs and I thought about it for a minute and I realized that Clinton is right! I did look fat in those pants. What do you think?
Ha ha ha. I slay me.
In that photo I was 41 weeks pregnant and man oh man was I tired of being pregnant or what?
Here’s me right now (and forgive the slippers, greasy hair, too big jeans, and dog fur all over me, I have just finished doing housework):
But here’s the thing. All my life (and I do really mean ALL) I was plagued by self esteem issues relating to the shape of my body. I was always a shorter, stockier type of person and while my brain was able to accept that there was nothing I could do about my height, I was never able to just deal with the fact that I was not ever going to be the thin little pretzel I wished I was. I was a sports dork in high school. I was fit and athletic, but I remember thinking I was fatty fatty fat. I was also a dork post-high school and spent countless hours composing horrid poetry and sipping mint tea at all night coffee shops . I remember being dreadfully upset about my shape back then and seriously, I think I should have been much more concerned about my apparent lack of skin pigmentation more than anything – what is with that? :
Here’s me in high school. (Nice poncho. Sheesh. Sweet hair, too.):
Looking back, I cannot fathom why I thought I was fat.
I have the answer to self esteem issues.You don’t need to buy a book or see a counsellor because I have it figured out. Here’s my big secret:
HAVE A CHILD.
Having Kale has made me realize that my body is amazing in what it has been and is capable of doing. The amount of sheer stretchiness of skin, for example… I am in awe of myself. I laugh now that I was SO CONCERNED about whether or not my tummy stuck out. I mean, seriously. I am literally covered in stretch marks now and I have a 8 inch bright red scar across my pelvic bone and I am AMAZED at how little I care about that fact. I know I look good. I look, if I say so myself, excellent. But the important thing is that for the first time in my life, I actually feel like I look good these days and that makes me smile.