The person I have become since having my son is a person I really like, more than any other previous version of me. I laugh more than I ever have. I want to talk to my family more and connect with them more frequently. I love my husband more. I’m becoming more patient. I’m becoming more flexible. I am more confident and love myself. I have never, in my entire life, been able to say that with much conviction until now.
This new me sadly doesn’t always jive with people I already know, who knew the previous version of me, and sadly, some of those people and this new me just don’t have anything left to say to one another. Quietly, some of these friendships are ebbing away. While I am sad, I recognize that it just happens and that nothing is wrong and that’s just the way things go. As everything, for every action there is a opposite and equal reaction and so this new me is finding new friends in the baby-centred places I now frequent. That is my life now, so that is what I do and I don’t feel the need to make any apologies about it.
The friends I have who have effortlessly and easily accepted the new me are more valuable to me than they ever were. Friends who understood when I went into hiding those first few weeks with Kale and didn’t return their phone calls. Friends who don’t take offense when I have to pass on their invite again because I’m still breastfeeding at intervals that don’t allow me to be out for entire days at a time but accept my invitations to have them over for tea and catch up in snippets. Friends who forgave me if I forget to ask how their job interview / date / life was going those first couple of months when everything, and I mean everything was Kale Kale Kale Kale Kale 24/7.
My Kale-centric world has relaxed a bit now – Kale and I trust one another and have an easy, happy relationship. He’s a wonderful boy and I am proud of him (except maybe the scratching/pinching thing. Not so proud of that these days). I’ve made a point to call friends the former me hung with pre-baby, and to ask them about the goings on in their lives before gushing endlessly about whatever new milestone Kale has met. I truly want to know what is happening in their lives because it’s every bit as important as the stuff going on in my life. I really appreciate it when even if they aren’t totally interested in the simple little triumphs in my world (“He has two teeth! And can sit up!”), they at least fake it long enough to hear me being excited and cheery until the conversation drifts to other things because it’s more important for them to hear me happy and positive than it is to actually hear what I am saying.
These are the people I value in my life.
Today I went for a walk in the spring sunshine and felt the warmth. I have so much to be thankful for. I really, really do.