Jen Version 8.0

The person I have become since having my son is a person I really like, more than any other previous version of me. I laugh more than I ever have. I want to talk to my family more and connect with them more frequently. I love my husband more. I’m becoming more patient. I’m becoming more flexible. I am more confident and love myself. I have never, in my entire life, been able to say that with much conviction until now.

This new me sadly doesn’t always jive with people I already know, who knew the previous version of me, and sadly, some of those people and this new me just don’t have anything left to say to one another. Quietly, some of these friendships are ebbing away. While I am sad, I recognize that it just happens and that nothing is wrong and that’s just the way things go. As everything, for every action there is a opposite and equal reaction and so this new me is finding new friends in the baby-centred places I now frequent. That is my life now, so that is what I do and I don’t feel the need to make any apologies about it.

The friends I have who have effortlessly and easily accepted the new me are more valuable to me than they ever were. Friends who understood when I went into hiding those first few weeks with Kale and didn’t return their phone calls. Friends who don’t take offense when I have to pass on their invite again because I’m still breastfeeding at intervals that don’t allow me to be out for entire days at a time but accept my invitations to have them over for tea and catch up in snippets. Friends who forgave me if I forget to ask how their job interview / date / life was going those first couple of months when everything, and I mean everything was Kale Kale Kale Kale Kale 24/7.

My Kale-centric world has relaxed a bit now – Kale and I trust one another and have an easy, happy relationship. He’s a wonderful boy and I am proud of him (except maybe the scratching/pinching thing. Not so proud of that these days). I’ve made a point to call friends the former me hung with pre-baby, and to ask them about the goings on in their lives before gushing endlessly about whatever new milestone Kale has met. I truly want to know what is happening in their lives because it’s every bit as important as the stuff going on in my life. I really appreciate it when even if they aren’t totally interested in the simple little triumphs in my world (“He has two teeth! And can sit up!”), they at least fake it long enough to hear me being excited and cheery until the conversation drifts to other things because it’s more important for them to hear me happy and positive than it is to actually hear what I am saying.

These are the people I value in my life.

Today I went for a walk in the spring sunshine and felt the warmth. I have so much to be thankful for. I really, really do.

10 years ago

4 Comments

  1. My whole life I’ve been surrounded by my siblings and friends having children and watching their friends, and spouses come and go, change, etc. So what you wrote about is nothing new in my world.

    You made a great point though. You like YOU! And not a lot of people can say that.

    You had a beautiful child with a man you adore!

    Of course your world and friends are going to change.
    You’re whole thought pattern about life, death, morals, princples etc have all changed or become stronger in their beliefs more than ever before.
    You’re looking at the bigger picture and whats best for you family in the long run!
    Again, kootos, cos not a lot of people will do that… they will try to hold onto the past and move into the future with it. (not smart)

    Those friends who do not understand, well, in my opinion, they are not good friends.

    There are only a few times in life when those around you (thought to be friends) will be tested with an experience you’re going through.
    How they cope, deal with you, your situation, will tell what kind of friends they are.

    I’m glad you like you, and where you are in life.
    It makes me happy to see people grow in a positive way.

    🙂

  2. I think it is awesome that you love the you you’ve become. Working in the legal field I see a lot of divorce proceedings come by my desk where these newish wife/moms have some sort of weird mid-life crisis and suddenly miss the ‘good old days’ where they could go out and gab with the girls, go clubbing…basically saying that they ‘lost who they were’. It amazes me how they feel that the bar star they were is somehow better than the family they have created and the life they have brought into the world. Luckily, in most of those cases, the parent that truly values the child ends up with custody, but families get ruined in the process. I have also happily watched as some of my friends have transitioned into a happy family life while letting their inner bar star out every once and a while when appropriate. The defenition of balance!

    Life is an evolution where we recreate ourselves time and again. Some incarnations we like, some maybe not so much. And like the wider world, evolution runs at a different pace for everyone. Ben and I got married about five years before most of our friends started getting married and we sort of disappeared from the social scene because we were enjoying the fresh relationshipiness that comes with being newlyweds. Meanwhile, we didn’t relate any longer with the bar trolling our friends were doing. Eventually as everyone partnered up, our friends started coming round more and more. In over ten years now this dynamic has ebbed and flowed and we expect will continue to do so as everyone’s life changes.

    I really applaud that you’ve attempted to be so considerate of all of your friends and incorporate them into your new reality. It says a lot about you and your friends are lucky to have you!

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