Update: Everything went fine. My arm hurts like mad but the incision is smaller than I expected and when it’s healed it’s unlikely you’ll even see it. The surgeon decided the fat lump looked like pooh bear (creepy!) and they’ve sent it off to the lab to confirm that there is nothing wrong with it. I should be good as new in a few weeks. I have self prescribed chocolate to make everything better.
Today I’m heading off to have a lump removed from my forearm, a lump I’ve had for, I dunno… forever?
Because our fantastic medical system is what it is, this lump removal is not covered by the medical plan we have because apparently it isn’t bothersome. No, it’s not bothersome that at least once every few weeks someone asks me what it is, and it’s not bothersome that I can’t lean on it. No, not bothersome at all. But, because the actual lump (technically called a “lipoma” – watch out that link has a few yucky surgery photos) doesn’t impede the operation of my body, it cannot be referred to a dermatologist or general surgeon for removal, and instead, I was referred to a cosmetic and reconstructive surgeon.
Four years ago I went to my doctor to see about this lump (which at the time was smaller and less intrusive) and was referred to a cosmetic surgeon. It took over a year to finally have a consultation with the surgeon, who spent about 2 minutes with me and essentially said “piece of cake book an appointment with my clerk out front it will be $200 plus tax have a nice day.” I stopped him as his hand was on the door and said “uh, I’m pregnant,” (having only found out a week or two before), “can I still have surgery?” He sighed, said, “your call probably better to wait in this case see you later”.
And so I was pregnant, and then I had a newborn, and then I was breastfeeding and didn’t want to take the chance of having some of the local anesthetic they’ll be using on me somehow transfer to Kale, and so here we are, over two years later.
It’s been bothering me for some time now, this silly little lump. I know it’s gotten larger as more and more people point it out and ask what it is, and so I finally decided it was time. Apparently my lump is subject to inflation as well as a higher price tag for growth, as it’s now $250 plus HST. Surgery, my friends, is HST taxable when it’s elective.
According to the receptionist, this is what I’m in for: (if you are needle or bloody squeamish, don’t read this next paragraph). First, they are going to insert my arm full of all sorts of lovely numbing meds. I’m left handed, so I’ll still be able to write them a cheque. Then after I’m good and frozen, they’ll make a little cut, snippity snip, and then they stitch me back up with likely 4 self dissolving stitches. It will take about 35-45 minutes at most. I’m not clear if the doctor will actually do it, or if this is a procedure he’ll hand off to a student or something. (I don’t really care – bedside manner isn’t important to me on this particular thing).
Quick Math: he’s making $500 an hour.
I am sooooo in the wrong field.